White Male Refused Entry

Immigration Official: Mr. Ferguson, why do you wish to immigrate to Newxland?

Me: I was offered a job. I need to support my family and we’re looking for a new beginning.

IO: How long have you been an American citizen?

Me: What? All my life. Look, all my information must be in your files.

IO: But Ferguson is a Scottish name, is it not?

Me: Well, yes.

IO: Why not go home to Scotland if you wish to leave America?

Me: I wasn’t offered a job in Scotland and my family immigrated to America well over 200 years ago.

IO: So you say…

Me: I don’t understand. What is this about? My work visa was approved months ago.

IO: Yes, but as you know our president has put a ban on all white American men coming into our country until we can figure out what is going on.

Me: But my visa was approved before the ban.

IO: The ban is retroactive, but if you cooperate we’ll see what we can do.

Me: Of course, I will answer any questions you have. I am anxious to start my new life in your country and have my family join me.

IO: We will see. Please give me the names of any and all people you know who are a part of the Ku Klux Klan.

Me: What? I don’t know anybody in the KKK. As far as I know I have never even met anyone who belonged to the KKK.

IO: But our records indicate you were, at one time, active in the Christian church.

Me: So?

IO: The Ku Klux Klan claim to be Christians acting on behalf of what is correct according to God’s will.

Me: But I’m not a member of the KKK.

IO: Your records do not indicate you have ever done anything to stop the KKK. You have never protested against them. You have never informed on a member. In fact, you have never done anything to stop the KKK, skinheads, or any other white supremacist group. And, of course, you are white, so perhaps you support those groups in secret, waiting for your time to strike.

Me: Strike? This is insane. I don’t believe anything that those people believe.

IO: Nevertheless, you are a white man, are you not?

Me: Obviously.

IO: Many white American men have committed senseless acts of violence upon innocent victims.

Me: Yes, but what does that have to do with me?

IO: How can we know you are not one of those white men? Do you blame us for being safe rather than sorry? For all we know you are here because our people have brown skin and you hate us for it.

Me: I don’t hate anybody. I just want move to your country with my family, work hard, and be a good citizen.

IO: So you say, but you do not dress like us, you dress like a typical American white male. Can you speak our language?

Me: Not yet. Just a little. But I plan to learn.

IO: Mr. Ferguson, is there anything to can say to me to prove you are not a white male terrorist coming to my country to commit violent acts against my people.

Me: …

IO: Mr. Ferguson?

Me: I don’t suppose there is.