Dear Vlad

Fans of Lazlo Toth, I apologize for the poor reflection of his work. The name here is in tribute.

November 11, 2016

Mr. Vladimir Putin

President of Russia

c/o The Kremlin

Moscow, Russia 103073

Dear Vlad,

Congratulations and nicely done! I’m sure you never doubted yourself but I must be honest and say there were those around “these parts” that had our doubts you could pull it off and get your boy into the White House. You must “love it when a plan comes together.” That’s a quote from an American television show called “The A-Team,” which had a character called “Mr. T.” Well there’s a new Mr. T in town and he looks like us… amirite? (haha)

I think it was your own Joseph Stalin who said (actually, I know he said it because I looked it up on “It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.” Don’t you think Stalin would be super impressed to see that you and your own A-Team of Freedom Hackers (I made that up but you can use it) didn’t need to rig anything? They didn’t even really need to keep it a secret that they were working to encourage people like myself who understand that strength is freedom and freedom is strong like you, and Mr. T, and Jesus when he kicked ass on the Jewish bankers.

Like is says in the Bible, “Might makes right.” I like to add “and right is right.”

Now that you are openly involved in American politics (chief lobbyist for the “Strongmen” I’d say) I want to clue you in on something that might get lost in translation.

Though you yourself are a fine, if diminutive, figure of a man, Mr. T is a little further down the other side of the hill and, well, to be honest, not a great physical specimen like you. I only mention this to explain why there will not be any photos of a bare chested Mr. T being leaked by the press office. Great PR strategy, just not workable for your stateside BFF.

That being said, I expect there to be many photos of Mr. T displayed in public, perhaps even large photo banners, probably with his famous fatherly expression, because it is common knowledge that seeing your strong leader’s face makes everyone feel calm and reminds the unsavory elements that he is watching. Do you agree? I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that. I know you’re a busy man and even busier now that you have two super-powers to watch over. More power to you! (haha)

I used your website to send this as an email but I’m also sending it as a hard copy letter because you’ve got Ed Snowden over there and I don’t trust that guy.

Best Wishes,

Maslow Hoth

Maslow Hoth